But Friday was a weird day...
On Thursday, as we were leaving the gym, a fire truck pulled up. That isn't too odd because the local fire department works out there and we see them often-- they know the boys and let them see the truck, etc. This time, though, they had their lights on. I got out of their way with Andy (who was frantically screaming FIRE TRUCK and waving at his buddies) as the guys ran inside the gym with their clipboards and fanny packs filled with supplies. I didn't think too much of it at the time...
On Friday morning at the gym, I asked the girl at the front desk what happened on Thursday and she told me a guy had a brain aneurism while working out. Yikes. I asked if it was an older guy. It was a 25 year old guy. I asked if he worked out there often. He was there 5 days a week, at the same time as me. I asked if I knew him. She nodded and described the guy. Yes, I knew of him. I do not know his name; we never spoke to each other, both of us tuned out with headsets on. But we acknowledged each other-- we've seen each other just about 5 days a week for the past year. He was taken to the hospital and my friend at the front desk said he wasn't doing well.
I got on the treadmill with a heavy heart. A friend came in and was feeling sad because the friend she was going to meet after the gym for coffee just canceled because they were taking her friend off of life support. We both just felt so sad right then for these people-- people we didn't even know-- experiencing such hard times right before the holidays.
Cal and I ran our errands on Friday and I was a little early to pick up Andy from school. I opened Facebook and saw a friend post "A School Shooting." My heart dropped. That was before I heard the details.
I was glued to the TV the rest of the day. I couldn't stop watching. I couldn't stop tearing up. I couldn't stop the sickening feeling in my stomach. As more and more details were released, my heart just ached.
This incident felt too close to home. I am not sure if it is because I was a teacher, or if it's because many of my friends have kids that are in kindergarten, or if it's because I am a mom now, and only now can I fully begin to grasp the amount of pain those parents must be feeling.
I know everyone has similar reactions to this, and I do not want to write on and on about how awful this was-- we ALL know it was awful. We are ALL sickened by this insane and viscous act of cruelty.
Friday night, we had plans with a huge group to go out together for holiday cocktails. We all debated whether or not we should go. I felt inappropriate going out and drinking...I felt like I should just sit at home and be with my kids. But, as one friend put it, "if we start canceling our plans, we are letting him win..." Plus, not to mention, I told Cal his favorite babysitter was coming and he was beside himself with excitement for her to show up. If I canceled her, he would have been heartbroken.
We went out and saw a bunch of friends, and honestly, it did feel good to turn off the TV and be in the comfort of other parents, all of whom were hurting the same way, and wanting a little escape from that reality.
As I was finishing up a drink, I checked my phone to see if I had a text from the sitter. Instead, I had a text from my friend from the gym. It turns out, the girl she was supposed to meet was going to the hospital to say goodbye to the guy from the gym, who was being taken off of life support. Neither one of us knew while we were talking that morning that was who she was talking about.
It is a small and sad world.
My heart hurts for this guy who I never knew. I heart hurts for his family who has to go through the holidays next week without him. My heart hurts for his friends who won't get to hangout with him any more.
My heart hurts more than words can say for those poor poor victims of Sandy Hook. Those teachers that risked their lives to save their kids are beyond heroes. My heart hurts for the parents of those kids-- I can not even imagine the hole they must feel in their hearts.
My heart literally aches for the children who were not shot-- but who witnessed the shootings. How in the world will they EVER be able to feel safe in a school again? How does a 5 year old move on from that? How does a teacher move on from that? How does anyone?
I was thankful that neither kid went to school today, because honestly, I think I would have had a hard time sending them. I am going to have a hard time sending Andy on Wednesday. We can't hold on to them in and live in fear because of a crazy person like that...but there are crazy people out there.
So, I know this was a depressing post, but I had to get it out there. I want to look back at the blog and remember everything going on in our lives-- not just the positive happy ones.
Hug your family tight tonight! I can't stop kissing on mine!
ps- happier Santa post coming up soon!!!
1 comment:
Well said, Carrie. I know we all feel guilty for carrying on with our lives, but we have been given the enormous opportunity to love our families another day, and for that, I know we are truly greatful. I'm ashamed that it takes acts of violence or pain to make me feel greatful...we should always be thankful for no matter what the day brings us (this coming from a mom who has a sick baby who has resorted to newborn sleep habits the past 2 nights:))
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