Life lately: Valentine's Edition

After all the craziness of last week and being out of town for Molly's funeral, I was more than anxious for a "normal" week with our usual activities. 

Monday, we had a normal day and we headed to swim practice, just like normal.  Usually, Andy loves swim.  Monday, he wanted NO part of it.  I thought he was hesitant because there was a coach in the water he didn't really know.  He was whiny and clingy and just not real pleasant.  I am not going to force him to swim, so he sat it out.  A few of my friends thought he was sick, but Andy said he felt fine, despite a little cough.

He went to bed Monday night and was coughing like crazy.  It didn't sound very good... I was supposed to work Tuesday morning so I figured I would take him to the doctor after school.  At midnight, he woke up with a fever-- just over 101. He was coughing so hard that each time he would cough, he thought he was going to throw up. We were up pretty much the entire night in the guest bed together.   So I went into mom mode and got a sub for Tuesday (I sent out an SOS email at 12:30 am) and took Andy to the doctor at 9 Tuesday morning. 

Other than his cough, he was feeling pretty great at the doctor-- and he thought some time away from school was fun.  

The doc checked his ears- clear- and his lungs- also clear- and declared him to have croup.  He gave us a steroid to help with the inflammation in his throat (from coughing), and we were on our way. 

We ran some errands and picked up his 'roids and headed home.  It was a cold and rainy day-- just nasty out-- perfect for napping! He asked me to sit with him on the couch and snuggle... we don't get to do that often enough, so I snuggled in...

...and then he was OUT.  Being up the entire night the night before wore the kid out, I guess. 

Thankfully, I have the greatest friends ever and Sally was able to bring Cal home from school so I could let this one sleep a bit.  He took over a 2 hour nap-- and it was needed!

Bruce camped out near him-- he was content sleeping right next to Nug...

While he napped, I started making some Valentines! I decided to make these for my little Mouse class... am I crazy?? I only had to make 10, and it really wasn't that bad.  

The inside said "Hope you have a MICE Valentine's Day! Love, Mrs. Bourn and Mrs. Williamson"

Speaking of valentines, I also made these for the boys' classes:

 Super easy and super cheap! Pinterest upped the ante this year with Valentines-- holy cow! I couldn't believe the stuff the boys brought home!

 After a loooong day with Andy (the steroids were NOT good to his personality!), I decided to take a bath.  Bruce apparently HATES me in the bath.  He was freaking out the entire time I was in there.  He wanted to eat the bubbles and jump into the tub.  It wasn't quite as relaxing as I hoped due to his barking at my underwater legs, but he's good company, nonetheless. 

Wednesday was rough.  Andy was back at school with some MAJOR 'roid rage.  He had a full blown fit in the parking lot.  It was ugly.  Ugly is putting it nicely.  I worked out and ran some errands. When we got home from school, both boys were fine and they played great for a few hours.  I finished up their Valentines and got things done around the house. At 5:00, Andy came down the stairs screaming and grabbing his ear.  He sat on my lap hysterically crying about how bad his ear hurt-- clearly he had an ear infection.  So I called the pediatrician and got an appointment at 5:50.  The kid was in such pain, I said F it, we are going there now and we will just hope to get back sooner.  I *should* have given him advil first... didn't even think about it, really.  Whoops.

We got there and Andy was in all kinds of pain.  I almost asked for an epidural since he was screaming like a woman in childbirth.

The didn't take us back until 5:55-- Andy was screaming the entire time in the waiting room.  The nurse took us back and took temp and then took us to a room where she came with a sample of advil. I poured Andy a heaping dose and in about 10 minutes, he was a new kid.

Eddie had been out of town and he had just driven in right at 5:30, so he met us at the office.  Hilarious-- he doesn't go to the doctor (ever) for the kids, so he had no idea how long things take-- he must have said 50 times "what is taking so long?" "What is happening now?" hahaha Such a fun family outing!

The sweet doctor looked at his ears (both infected) and listened to his chest (very wheezy) and gave us some meds! So, the two things that were checked on TUESDAY and were clear, had blown up by WEDNESDAY.  Go figure.

We didn't get out of there until after 7:15.  We were all spent.    

 The doc gave us the green light for Andy to go to school Thursday since he was fever free for over 24 hours, but we opted to keep him home to rest up a bit.  THANKFULLY, my mom was able to have a grandma day with him.  He was in heaven the whole day! She has a way of making people feel better!
Thursday, I was back at school and it was a CRAZY day! I was sooooo glad to be back in school with my co-teacher and my sweet kiddos. 

The parents of the class put together a gift for me when they heard about Molly.  And I was blown away.  It was a BRIGHT yellow bow that they told me was a "Box of Sunshine" to help cheer me up.  Inside of the box, there was all sorts of YELLOW, cheerful things: "nail polish, bath salts, lotion, chapstick, champagne, pancake mix, syrup (because I am sweeter than syrup!), magazines, gift card to barnes and noble and on and on and on.... it was amazing.  I can't believe they did that.  What a special group of kids and parents we have this year.  Love them all...

After school, I taught popup to the teachers-- this is something I have started doing, and the past few Thursdays we haven't been able to have class, so I was thrilled to be back at it this week!

I left school and ran to my parents house to get Andy and then we ran home to grab the dogs and the tennis rackets.  The boys at tennis at 3:15 and I walked the dogs while the practiced.  It was CHILLY and my arms were toast after teaching class-- but it felt good!

We came home from tennis and I had to make the sweet treats for the boys' Valentine's Day parties in each of their classes.  I made them into these hearts...

..and then dipped them in white chocolate and added some sprinkles.....

I was in hurry mode because Thursday night I was going to see 50 Shades of Grey with some friends....!!! It was a FUN girls' night with some wine.  I actually liked the movie-- felt like it was very close to the book.  It was racy, of course, and there were parts that I thought might be a lot for a rated R movie- ha!- but all in all, I enjoyed it!

Friday, both boys had their Valentine's Day parties at school.  They came home with their bags filled with cards from their classmates, and they were so excited to dump them all out on the table to read them and see what goodies they got!

Cal brought home this card:

Pretty sure this says "I love momma and dad"... but really can't tell....

 ...and then you open the heart:

I was looking forward to getting back to the "normal" this week and it was a CRAZY week! Maybe that is the normal...? Who knows... I am thankful though.  Very, very thankful!!!

#carriedaway: week 4

Week 4:

 Day 22: bug dog on a little bed. Sweet Hank hasn't had any insta love lately. He deserves that- and so much more.

 Day 23: Pippa, sweet dreams are made of this... #isithowyouimagined?

 Day 24: this morning I led a popup workout to 30 kids! It was super fun... and I need a nap!

 Day 25: because what else would he wear?

 Day 26: my favorite little guys. #notlittleforlong

 Day 27: war wounds from his brother and eyes that melt his momma's heart.

 Day 28: LOVE


 

Molly's service

Molly passed on Monday and her service was on Wednesday. After a lot of shuffling and figuring out, I left the boys with Tricia and Tommy and planned on flying out Tuesday morning.  Except there was a little mix up with the airplane tickets and *someone* (ahem, not me...)booked them for PM and not AM... but that's neither her nor there.  Boys went to school, I had the day to get myself together and get the house ready and we headed to the airport around 7 PM for our flight. 

The four of us, the original 4, all sat at a bar in the airport waiting for our flight and we talked and teared up and all agreed it was pretty nice to have it the 4 of us together. 

We landed at midnight and headed to our hotel, which was by the airport.  The next morning, we were up early and on the road to the funeral home in Fairfield, Connecticut.   There was a slideshow playing on a few difference screens with pictures of Molly growing up, Molly and friends, and Molly with her sweet children.  There was music playing, which I really liked-- it wasn't soft sappy piano music, but instead sweet songs-- and I can tell you, I will never hear "Isn't she lovely" again and not think of Molly...and probably bawl my eyes out. 

This piece of art work was framed in the room and I just loved it.  It is so Molly-- she was always dressed to the nines.  Always.  I don't know where this came from, but I had to take a picture and send my besties (who have been so wonderful this whole time... we had a group text going constantly and they were getting updates from me constantly.  I am sure they were overly sick of me, but they were invaluable to me throughout the trip up there...love y'all!).

I immediately spotted Henry-- he was in Scott's arms-- and noticed he was a bit restless.  I brought each kid a few small gifts- a coloring book and a small paw patrol toy for Henry and for Sydney, a little princess toy that had a changeable dress and some Frozen coloring books.

Sydney wasn't too sure of me and there was a lot going on, so she was skipping around the room visiting with people.  Henry took to me pretty quickly.  Scott thought it was because I look similar to Molly.  He was sitting on my lap pretty quickly after meeting him and he was quite content to stay there.  

Check out that smile.... sweet guy. 

Speaking of looking like Molly-- I had several people do double takes when they saw me.  A few people came up to me and commented that they were totally taken aback when they saw me because Molly and I look so much alike. 

The service was wonderful. Two people spoke: her next door neighbor turned close friend and another friend who was speaking on behalf of Molly's closest friend who just moved to Florida and couldn't come because she is a week from her due date!

The neighbor spoke about what a selfless person Molly was.  Molly was "her person."    She talked a lot about Molly as a mom-- and how much she learned from Molly, even though her oldest son is 20 years old.  Molly parented through love.  She made a joke about Molly offering her kids edemame for a snack one day.  The neighbor said she stood there with her jaw open as Sydney said "okay!"

The friend who spoke was amazing.  She spoke about what a good friend Molly was.  To everyone.  She was always helping others, always doing kind things for people, and always going out of her way to be good to her friends.  Her speech moved me.  She challenged each of us to be more like Molly in our friendships.  I want to be more like Molly.  
The friend spoke of how Molly would never just pick out a gift to fill a bag-- she put time and effort and THOUGHT into each gift.  She truly cared for people. What a great trait to have.  It's something to strive for in every relationship we have.

These cards were handed out at the service.  I carried mine all weekend and now have it in my wallet where I see it everyday.

Here is the front:

And the back:

After the service, everyone went down to a restaurant (where Molly and Scott ate last with some friends) for a lunch.  It was a great atmosphere for everyone to eat, drink, and celebrate Molly.

We went over to Molly's house after lunch and I got some good kid time.  It.Was.AWESOME.  I was in heaven.  I didn't want to let go of them.

Sydney and I played in her room for a bit and then she sat in my lap in the family room.  She kind of curled right up and I kind of wrapped around her. 

Henry was about as sweet as they come too.  He curled up in my lap when Syd wasn't there and was the sweetest cuddle bug.  I didn't get any pictures with Henry after the service...

We stayed at Molly and Scott's house for a few hours and then headed back to the hotel.  We got rid of the rental car and went out to dinner. 
The amount of snow on the ground was impressive.... and cold.

We came home early Thursday morning. As soon as we landed, I met Tricia at home and headed to school to pick up the boys.  I was beyond ready to hug their necks.  We came home and as I loaded the dishwasher, Bruce was helping me "clean" the dishes and his collar got hooked on the bottom shelf and he yanked the entire thing out, breaking plates and bowls as he ran.  

 Then we went to tennis where Andy had massive skid marks in his pants because he had to poo so bad and wouldn't go.

Welcome home, right??? But then I reminded myself, Molly would give anything to be cleaning up broken dishes from her dog and begging her son to poop.  I will remind myself of this often.  I am lucky to have my health AND my babies.  Who cares if they make massive skid marks??


 

#carriedaway: week 3

Week 3:

 Day 15: shotgun rider

 Day 16: this picture makes me smile-- love these two and love the laughs they were sharing. Potty humor at its finest.

 Day 17: snowball with my baby daddy

 Day 18: big fun at swim clinic

 Day 19: "bye, momma! We're going to grandma's beach house!" I feel like this scenario will be happening way too soon... them waving bye to me and heading to the beach together.  Stay little, boys.

 Day 20: skinned off in January.... I'll take it!

 Day 21: happy birthday to Jackson!!!


 

Molly.

This isn't going to be an easy post to write.  I am going to cry.  A lot.  I may or may not hit "publish" on this.  I probably will.  I have got to write about this while it is fresh in my mind. I know I will never forget Molly. But I want to remember every little thing about her. 

This is Molly...

...she is my age, 34. She is married to the love of her life, Scott, and has two precious babies, Sydney, 4.5 and Henry, 2.5. 

Molly is the most wonderful person you could ever know.  She is thoughtful, caring, generous and a HAPPY person.  One of Molly's friends gave a speech at her funeral and said, "if everyone in the world had a friend like Molly, the world would be an amazing place." That stuck with me.  What a compliment to give.  That spoke volumes about the kind of person Molly is.  Was.  Whatever.  It is hard for me to use the past tense.

Some history....okay, a lot of history.  I couldn't make this post short. Not sorry.

me, sassy as ever, chris, patirck, and sweet as pie molly. The 4 cousins.

 Molly grew up in Michigan, so we didn't see them as much as we would have liked, but when we did see each other, we picked up right where we left off.  This was true as adults too.  We would see each other at a wedding or a party and it would be like we never lost any time between us.

When we were little, we took vacations together...

 ...we washed bikes together...

Truth be told, I don't really remember the above pictures.  I remember riding on that plane with Molly-- we were laughing about something... I don't know what.

I do remember when we went to California together with my parents.  My brother was away at camp and Molly got to come with us on the trip.  We stayed at the Ritz Carlton and they messed up our rooms somehow.  Molly and I got upgraded to this amazing room with a beautiful terrace.  We couldn't stop laughing at how amazing it was.  I will never forget walking in to the room and both of us spotting the robes at the same time (the ones that came in the closet...to us, that was a big deal!), and we both put them on immediately.... and I think we kept them on the rest of the trip! haha There was a phone in the bathroom and Molly yelled for me to come in there and I found her sitting on the toilet, robe on, holding the phone up to her ear.  We laughed and laughed.  My parents were in the process of building a new house in Chapel Hill.... they put a phone in my bathroom at home because Molly and I got such a kick out of the phone in the bathroom there.

We went to Disneyland on that trip.  We rode this boat ride and decided to tell people we were twins if they asked-- not that they did-- but we thought we should be ready just in case.  

The hotel was super fru-fru and one day by the pool we noticed the dad from 90210 lounging.  At the time, that show was AMAZING (it still is today, let's be honest) and we had to go say hi to him.  He was super friendly.  Molly and I had our arms linked the entire time we talked to him.  The lobby of the hotel had the most luxurious, amazing couches.  We noticed one day that if we sat on the couch and then stood up, there were 'couch fluffers' who came running out to re-fluff the pillows! We were in awe of this.  I remember we were supposed to meet my parents in the lobby and they found us down there, in robes, obviously, sitting on couches and then jumping up and watching the fluffers jump into action.  What a stupid memory to hang on to.... but I cherish it, especially now.

I also cherish the memory I have of visiting Molly up in Michigan where we showed up wearing the exact same thing, head to toe-- completely unplanned.  The only thing different was her hair was up and mine was down.... we fixed that quickly so that we could fully match.  We sat on the front steps of my Uncle Jim's house and talked about nothing.

We both grew up and got married.  I went to her wedding, she went to mine.  She sat in the front row.  I remember thinking as I saw her there, "I wish I would have asked her to be a bridesmaid..."

Molly's wedding:

My wedding:

My mom planned an amazing birthday party for my grandpa at the beach years ago-- before we had kids.  Molly and Scott came down and we had THE best time together.

None of us had kids yet.  Elizabeth was pregnant with Jackson.  The 4 of us below were in charge of dinner one night and we did a Mexican theme.  Molly found some amazing margarita that required a million limes.  I swear we were all sore the next day from squeezing so many limes!

We were happy girls together...it was like we never left off....

Doesn't she have the most amazing smile? She could brighten anyone's day...

The whole crew down there-- Molly and I were next to each other on the left. 

The next time we saw Molly was for my grandmother's 80th birthday party in Chapel Hill:

 We were all pregnant.  I was due with Cal the next month and Elizabeth and Molly were both due in March.  I was huge. They were not .

We got together the following year for Molly's brother's wedding out in Tahoe.  I did a whole post about that trip here. 

Molly and I were even closer then... I think we bonded over motherhood.  I remember her sweet Sydney being nice and calm and Cal was discovering his wild side- hahaha.  We had a great time together that trip (are you noticing a theme? We have a good time every time we are together!)

This is Molly and her big brother Patrick...

Molly and Scott taking the trolly up to the top of the mountain for the wedding...

I took these pictures of Molly during the ceremony-- doesn't she just look stunning? 

One of my most favorite pictures of her...

Molly loooooves being a mom-- it made her happy...

Molly, me and my mom danced like no body's business that night... we had THE best time dancing the night away...

This picture makes me smile, laugh, cry and everything in between-- pure joy acting a fool together! I wish I had found it sooner and sent it to Molly; she would have liked it too.

We each had more babies; I had Andy and Molly had Henry....

And Molly's sweet family was complete.  She was such a good mom.  She really and truly loved being a mom.  Her next door neighbor spoke at the funeral about how she mothered by loving and redirecting...and if her kids were having a meltdown, she would pick them up and hug them to calm them-- a wonderful approach to motherhood.  I could learn a thing or ten from her. 

She adored these kids....and they adored her...how could they not?

This summer, Molly caught a bad cold that she just couldn't shake. 

She woke up one day and said she felt like she had a screwdriver in her chest turning around and around.  The doctor had some red flags with this so they ordered chest x-rays.  They found her chest to be filled with liquid.   After further tests were done, she was diagnosed with cancer on October 25th. 

The cancer was pretty spread out in her body, but mid-November it was determined it was pancreatic cancer.  While this was not the news we had hoped for, the doctors were very hopeful that since she was young (34) and super healthy otherwise, she would fight hard and live long. 



Doctors told her there would be lots of chemo and they encouraged her to get some family pictures done before she lost her hair.  These were the pictures that ended up being displayed at her funeral. They were absolutely perfect pictures.  Here is one below, from her obituary. 

My mom and I were down in Miami for our girls' weekend when we got the text that it was pancreatic cancer.  I got it via email, actually, from Molly.  I got her current phone number and we started texting.  And we texted a lot from that point on.  It was like this cancer reignited our friendship and we began texting multiple times a week.  Mainly it was just me checking in her on... sometimes it was me trying to make her smile (thefatjewish on instagram provided many laughs for Molly), other times it was just letting her know that I was praying like crazy for her.

In every text she ever sent me, she was positive:
(I am re-typing these because I don't ever want to lose them or forget them...)

 "They give me a shot after chemo to generate white blood cells and it makes my bones ache but it doesn't last too long....hopefully better tomorrow!"

After me doing a 'checking in there' text: "Hi lovie...been kind of a rough week but I am hanging in there! ;)"

"We're heading in the right direction- tumors shrinking, stable or disappeared!"

On New Year's Eve: "Thanks so much for all of your love and support! Hope you have something fun planned tonight. Happy, healthy new year! xoxo"

After I sent her a funny picture of Andy: "Oh. Mee. Gee. Too much for words!!! I'm in the hospital- got my lungs glued today. Hoping it worked and I can breathe again."

I replied that I didn't understand what it means to have your lungs glued together and I asked if it was painful... she replied:
"Very painful...on some nice morphine ;) I'll be here until Thursdayish....bachelor may be the ticket if I can stay up!!"

And this text....

 So Molly was fighting this cancer and doing her chemo like they planned, but her lungs just couldn't stay healthy enough for her to continue chemo.  When she went into the hospital to have her lungs glued together, she got sick.  Like pneumonia sick.  She was supposed to stay in the hospital for a few days and ended up staying there for 2 weeks.  They found a clot in her heart.  The clot miraculously disappeared.  Everyone had hope! They sent her home to rest up to get ready for another round of chemo and she got sick.  RSV sick.  She was sent back to the hospital. 

Unfortunately, this time, she wouldn't be leaving. 

We texted each other multiple times on Saturday the 31st.  She was as sweet as ever.  She found out some news and sent me a text saying "my heart is completely with you- as if it wasn't before." On Super Bowl Sunday, I sent her a picture of a bracelet a friend made me with some prayer beads for Molly. She replied at 4:11 "I love that Carrie!!!!"

Little did I know that 24 hours later she would be gone. 

She was in a lot of pain on that Sunday.  I had no idea. 

Monday morning, my mom got a text from Uncle Pat (Molly's dad) saying that Molly really wasn't doing well and that today would probably be the day that she died. 

Mom and dad called me as I was pulling out of school drop off, on my way to teach popup.  I bawled.  How could this be? She was just texting me yesterday-- if she was going to die, don't you think she would have said something? (of course she wouldn't....but this is my self-centered thoughts). 

I taught my class and then sobbed when it was over.  There was NO WAY Molly was dying today.  No way.  I texted Molly after class... just a simple "I love you and I am so proud of you, Moll..." and I never got a reply.  And that's when it sunk in.  She always replied. She would be in the middle of chemo and reply to my texts.  I cried a bunch on Monday during the day, but I was in denial.  I kept thinking she would shoot me a text saying "phew! That was a close one....!" but, she didn't.  I sent her one more text at 12:45 saying "I love you." And I never heard back.

At 4:00 on Monday, while we were at swim, my mom called with the news that Molly had passed.  She had a breathing tube in and when they took it out, her lungs just couldn't keep up.  It was her time to leave us. 

I am not sure I have ever felt a sadness like this before. Molly was an AMAZING person.  She was a great mom, a loving, caring wife, and an extraordinary friend.  She was always thinking of others.  Always.  She was always doing kind little things for others-- random notes in the mail, random cookie drop offs at friend's houses, random acts of kindness that never went unnoticed.

Molly was the epitome of making the most of each day and living life to the fullest...with a smile! She was funny and elegant and SO creative! She was kind and caring and genuine.  So genuine.  She was the kind of person you would want to be friends with.

I was sad to lose a cousin- heartbroken, really. But I was beyond sad to think about her babies.  Every time I would think about them I would cry-- I still do.  Sydney will turn 5 without her mom there.  She will start kindergarten without her mom taking pictures of her.  Henry will potty train without his mom cheering him on.  He will miss a hug from his mom every night. They will have a million life events without Molly there and it makes me ache to think about it.  Sydney will hopefully remember her mom... will Henry?  Life just seems so unfair.  What did these little kids do to deserve losing their mom? Their rock. Their biggest fan. Their greatest love.  It just isn't fair. 

I think of Andy crying out in the night for me.  He doesn't want anyone but me.  Who would be there for Henry? Scott would... but sometimes a mom is all that will do.  A kid needs his/her mom and I am so so sad these two no longer have theirs. 

This quote popped up in my instagram newsfeed on Monday and it seemed so fitting for Molly:

I am holding my babies even closer.  Life is precious.



Molly Murphy Patton: obituary